Services
Blog Category
RSS Feeds
All PostsResources
Visit Hooters for Sex Ed? Not.
November 13, 2009
If you want to assess your child’s sexual knowledge and emotional development, please don’t follow this father’s example:
Bob Elston, of Herndon, VA, recently blogged about trying to determine his 11-year-old son’s readiness for “the birds and bees talk.” He took his is son to Hooters, a franchise restaurant featuring attractive female waitstaff in tank tops and short shorts. Along for the trip were one of the boy’s friends, the friend’s father, and the boy’s grandparents. Elston’s wife approved of the outing. Elston wrote that he wanted to see how his son acted around women in a “real life” situation.
“If he drooled and couldn’t take his eyes of the waitress, then that would be an unmistakable cue to me to start preparing another birds and the bees talk. If he acted embarrassed and shy, then that would be a sign that such a pointed talk could wait a bit. “
I have several concerns about Elston’s experiment:
- He tried to measure his son’s sexual maturity by taking him to a place that treats women as sex objects;
- He created a sexualized scenario in order to spy on his son;
- He presumed a boy’s response to adult women would reflect his attitudes toward girls his own age;
- He thought that if his son didn’t ogle women, a discussion about puberty could wait;
- He assumed his son was heterosexual and might be aroused by an attractive woman;
- He forgot how intimidating sexy adults can be to pre-teens;
- He involved grandparents and friends in an experiment involving his son’s sexual development;
- He exposed his son to ridicule at school by blogging about the experiment and posting his son’s photo online;
- He tried to illustrate Hooters’ wholesomeness by posting a photo of the boys with the waitress and implying that it wasn’t a sexualized environment because the waitress didn’t have large breasts.
I could go on and on about what was wrong with that scenario, but instead, I’ll suggest a better approach: Don’t spy on your children, talk to them!
By consistently re-opening the door to communication, including conversations about sexuality, you send the message that you are comfortable discussing even the most sensitive issues. Communicate age-appropriate information that supports your child’s emotional and physical health, and offer reassurance that your child is normal in terms of development, feelings and socialization.
Don’t put your child in a Hooters-branded petri dish. Try this instead:
- Weave short messages about sexuality into ordinary conversations so it becomes natural to make comments that boost self-esteem, encourage curiosity, and foster good hygiene and sexual health;
- Clarify questions your child asks. Rephrase the question and invite your child to guess the answer so you can correct inaccuracies;
- Share conversational opportunities with your co-parent. The parent’s gender is irrelevant;
- Admit to being embarrassed, if you are.
- Listen to and honor your child’s ideas and opinions, even if you disagree. Share your opinions without putting your child down.
- Help your child develop strategies for making values-based social and sexual decisions. Start with the basics, like how to be a good friend and treat others with respect.
Finally, keep your kids out of restaurants like Hooters because, despite their claim to be “family friendly,” their objectification of women says otherwise.
Comments
Got something to say?