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There are many ways to do it. There is only one way to do it safely. Use a condom.

Should Schools Censor Dictionaries with Sexual Terms?

February 2, 2010

Can a dictionary harm children? That’s the question being asked by a review panel for Oak Meadows Elementary School in southern California. The panel will try to determine whether to prohibit the use of the Merriam-Webster dictionary by fourth and fifth grade students. The review is in response to an individual mother’s complaint that the dictionary’s definition of oral sex was too explicit.

I support parents’ right to evaluate school curricula and resources, and I applaud this mom’s efforts to protect children from information she found offensive. After all, I complained when my daughters’ elementary school teacher taught about Columbus’ discovery of America without acknowledging the established and vibrant cultures of this continent’s indigenous peoples. And when my girls reached high school, I complained that the pre-prom safety workshop for boys focused on preventing alcohol use, while the girls’ workshop taught self-defense techniques to help the girls fend off their dates’ sexual advances. I wanted both the boys and girls to learn about the importance of asking permission and respecting a date’s answer.

So we’re on the same page here, I’ll present the definition of oral sex published in the online version of the dictionary: “Oral stimulation of the genitals.” That’s it. Five words, as straightforward as can be. I expected something much more salacious, given the mom’s level of concern and the school’s reaction.

The incident reminded me of being in elementary school and being told by friends that the dictionary contained dirty words. I immediately pulled out the family copy and looked up the only dirty words I knew at the time — butt, breast, and poop. I’m 100% sure that kids today do it, too, because they are previous generations of children.

Language is constantly evolving, so dictionaries are updated regularly to add new terms. Yes, the current editions may include words some parents find offensive or inappropriate for children; however, these are words that kids hear on the playground, on TV shows, in movies, and in music and video games. Those games and songs, by the way, have some of the most anti-female and degrading language and imagery possible. The ability to look up those words in a dictionary enables children to learn what words mean without being judged by adults or teased by friends.

Parents don’t need to censor dictionaries to control their childrens’ vocabulary. Simply model the kind of language you find appropriate, and call attention when words are used that you find inappropriate. When you offer an explanation of why you want your child to avoid certain words, you have a great opportunity to share your values.

Schools shouldn’t jump every time a parent complains, either. Some of the best books for children have been offensive to one parent or another, and we need to rely on the reasoned and educated judgment of teachers and librarians to select developmentally appropriate resources for their young population.

Now that I’ve got that off my chest, I’ll suggest that if you can’t find the word you’re searching for in the dictionary on your bookshelf, visit UrbanDictionary.com. Your kids will find it soon enough.

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Written by MDavis · Filed Under Buzz on the Birds and Bees

What’s your question or concern about children, teens and sexuality? Drop me a line or make a comment, and I’ll address it. You may also find answers in my book, Sexuality Talking Points, or purchase a private phone or in-person consultation. See the Product page to order.