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Learning from an Actor’s Death
June 6, 2009
David Carradine’s death presents an important teachable moment for parents. The actor died last week in Bangkok, presumably by accident while engaging in sexual asphyxia. He was found hanging from a closet clothing rod with a curtain tie around his neck and genitals in what appears to have been an effort to constrict his breathing for an intense orgasm.
Parents need to know about sexual asphyxia (aka breath play, erotic asphyxiation, hypoxiphilia or asphyxiophilia) because boys and young men are among the largest groups of participants in the behavior.
Parents may only become aware of their child’s behavior when they find that he has put his head in a plastic bag or tied a rope or belt around his neck while masturbating. Only then are parents likely to learn that boys involved in this activity seek a sexual gratification while in a semi-hallucinogenic, lucid state caused by decreased oxygen to the brain.
People who die or become brain damaged during sexual asphyxiation aren’t generally suicidal; rather, they have failed to employ effective measures to release the bag or ligature.
Forensic psychologist Stephen Hucker wrote here that, “There is no evidence that hypoxyphilia is a form of disguised suicide. In most cases hypoxyphilic deaths are a complete surprise to family and friends as the deceased was typically in a good mood and giving every indication that they were looking forward to the future.”
Parents can use Carradine’s death to educate male and female children about the danger of sexual asphyxiation. Just as with smoking, drugs, and sex in general, “Just say no” is unlikely to convince anyone to avoid sexual asphyxiation. Blogger Carol Queen makes a great argument why, before discussing the risks, parents should acknowledge the many reasons young people might experiment with this behavior. You can read her post here.
It is essential to emphasize to young people that sexual asphyxia can never be construed as “safe,” even with release measures or friends/sexual partners on hand to call for help. Discuss with them the damage that occurs when oxygen cannot reach the brain, even for only seconds. Safety measures can fail, and well-meaning friends or partners cannot predict when “enough is enough” when it comes to oxygen restriction. If they don’t believe you, mention that no medical research has found a safe level of oxygen deprivation.
Education may help youth forgo this type of sexual experimentation. For those who have developed a paraphilia (fetish) for oxygen deprivation as a form of sexual release, treatment is difficult and may include cognitive behavior therapy and medication such as SSRI antidepressants. Parents can be on the look-out for the use of pornography in tandem with sexual asphyxiation, mirrors or cameras to record the activity, and/or signs that the behavior is repeated frequently. Paraphilias are diagnosed when a behavior continues for at least six months, but sexual asphyxiation is dangerous enough that one experience may be deadly. Professional advice from a psychotherapist may be warranted.
A non-sexual but equally dangerous form of asphyxia is “played” by children and teens in what is called the “fainting game” or “choking game.” A campaign to end this so-called game can be found here. Aside from the obvious dangers of oxygen deprivation, other injuries can occur: A middle school teacher recently told me that one of her students consented to be choked at school, and when he passed out, he hit the cement floor so hard he broke multiple bones in his face. It’s definitely worth discussing with children and teens.
