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Differently Abled Kids Need Sex Ed, Too
October 6, 2009
Who will love your child? Who will find your child sexually attractive? These aren’t questions parents of young children routinely worry about…unless their children differ from the norm.
Will a child with a physical disability or developmental delay enjoy a first kiss, let alone a positive, mature sexual relationship in adulthood? It’s entirely possible, if the child grows up with a feeling of self-esteem and empowerment as well as with sexuality education.
Some parents fail to discuss sexuality with disabled and developmentally delayed children for fear of putting ideas into their heads — ideas about being less desirable than one’s peers or ideas that lead to experimenting with something that feels as good as sex can feel. Or, they assume their children have fewer sexual urges or less sexual curiosity than other kids.
Quickly consider which of the following statements* is true or false:
1. People with disabilities do not feel the desire to have sex.
2. People with developmental and physical abilities are child-like and dependent.
3. People with disabilities are oversexed and unable to control their sexual urges.
* Thanks for Advocates for Youth for these questions.
None of these statements is true for all kids with special needs, which is why it is essential for parents to discuss sexuality with their children from Day 1, just as they should with children without disabilities and developmental delays.
Early conversations can start with body part naming and the teaching of private self-touch versus acceptable public behavior. Children with limited mobility may not be able to explore their own bodies, so parents can provide toddlers with an unbreakable mirror or with picture books. From a young age, children with special needs should be encouraged to speak openly about their bodies and to understand the kinds of touch that are safe and acceptable. When these conversations are routine, they instill important lessons rather than fear.
When puberty brings physical changes and sexual urges to adolescents, parents need to shift conversational gears. It’s important to acknowledge phases of sexual development and to empower adolescents to enjoy their own bodies in a sexual manner. Masturbation may be an awkward topic to discuss at first, but consider the value of talking about self-pleasure as a way to feel less need to turn to others for sexual relief!
For more ideas about talking about sexuality with children with special needs, take a look at these resources recommended by behavior analyst Sorah Stein, MA, BCBA (Ideas for teachers follow this book list):
– Couwenhoven, T. (2007) Teaching Children with Down Syndrome About Their Bodies, Boundaries, and Sexuality. Bethesda, MD: Woodbine House
– Fegan, L., Rauch, A. & McCarthy, W. (1993). Sexuality and People with Intellectual Disability, 2nd ed. Baltimore, MD: Paul H. Brooks Publishing Co.
– Hingsburger, D. (1995) Just Say Know! Eastman, Quebec, Canada: Diverse City Press.
– Kaufman, M., Silverberg, C. & Odette, F. (2003). The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability. San Francisco: Cleis Press.
– Walker-Hirsch, L. (2007). The Facts of Life and More: Sexuality and Intimacy for People with Intellectual Disabilities. Baltimore, MD: Paul H. Brooks.
Resources for teachers and others:
– PossAbilities offers this curriculum for youth with developmental delays.
– Sexualityandu.ca produces excellent Sex Education for Youth with Intellectual Disabilities.
and Sex Education for Youth with Physical Disabilities.
– Advocates for Youth has a wealth of resources
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