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Is Puberty Making Your Son More Aggressive?
May 14, 2010
The arrival of body hair, voice changes, acne, and sudden erections can cause adolescent boys embarrassment and concern, but these changes may be easier to manage than those that come with early or late puberty.
Penn State researchers have learned that when puberty arrives earlier or later than usual, boys experience emotional and behavioral issues that can cause problems for them and for others. This news provides even more incentive for parents to be aware of their sons’ sexual development.
In an article in ScienceDaily, Penn State researcher Elizabeth J. Susman was quoted as saying, “This is the first study to show that the timing of puberty moderates biological risks of antisocial behavior. The implication is that parents should be especially sensitive to picking up signs of earlier or later puberty in their children…Parents and healthcare providers should be aware of how puberty can be stressful — behaviorally and biologically — on kids.”
Puberty is a life stage when the body changes physically from childhood to early adulthood, i.e., when it is capable of sexual reproduction. Boys typically begin puberty at age 12, while girls begin the process at age 10. In males, the brain releases hormones that trigger the hormone production in the testes, stimulating the maturation of muscles, bones, skin, the brain, and the sexual and reproductive organs. As puberty progresses, secondary sex characteristics become apparent, including body and facial hair, a triangular torso shape as shoulders broaden, and the deepening of the voice.
As reported in the May 2010 issue of Psychoneuroendocrinology, both early- and late-onset male puberty can cause the brain to release extra cortisol, which is a stress hormone. The researchers speculate that when higher levels of cortisol combine with testosterone (the primary male sex hormone) the result can be undesirable behavior. This was not found to be an issue in girls.
Boys who enter puberty early tend to have more problems with rule breaking and conduct disorder. They were also more aggressive than boys who enter puberty later. On the flip side, boys who enter puberty later tend to behave in an antisocial manner.
Timing the Sex Talk
Parents often wait to discuss sexual development and behavior until their sons reach age 12, on the assumption that children are better off not thinking about sexuality until it’s absolutely necessary. The study findings, however, indicate that parents need to time conversations by a son’s development rather than his calendar age.
While adolescents may look forward to being teens, they do no intuitively understand the physical and emotional changes they’ll have to go through first. And, while they may learn about puberty in school, adolescents often lack the emotional maturity to apply the information to themselves. You can help your son adjust by talking about puberty long before you expect it to begin. Saying, “Soon, you’ll be a young man” won’t cut it. He needs to know about what kinds of changes he will experience and what the affects may be.
Some boys sail through the changes with relative ease, while others struggle to adjust. Typically, when puberty begins, your son’s hair or skin may be oilier than usual. He may quickly outgrow his clothing, or his features may be changing slightly as he puts on weight. He may seek more awkward than usual as he adapts to his changing body. If this begins earlier than expected he may also struggle with the hormonal wash mentioned earlier, i.e., cortisol (stress) and testosterone (growth and aggression). If he begins puberty later than expected, the most obvious sign may be that his peers appear to be maturing at a much faster rate. He may look like a boy compared to a growing number of friends who appear more like young men. That may be a factor leading to the antisocial behavior reported in the study.
As the Penn State study found, early or late puberty adds a level of stress to the mix of these already tremendous developmental changes. There is no guarantee that explaining puberty to your son will change his behavior, but it makes sense that knowing what’s going on will ease some of his the stress and worry. In turn, you may get to see once again your son’s kinder side.
Hooking Up but Wanting to Date
May 14, 2010
A new study finds that college students actually would like to date, but they actually hook up at about twice as often as they date.
Definitions for “hooking up” range from kissing an acquaintance or stranger to having sexual intercourse. For this study’s purposes, the researchers defined a hookup as sexual intercourse that occurs once, with a stranger or casual acquaintance (as opposed to an on-going relationship).
The undergrads aren’t necessarily hooking up because it feels good. Rather, say the researchers from James Madison University, the students hook up because they think their peers are doing it and enjoying it. And yet, 95% of female students would rather date than hook up, while 77.5% of men prefer dating to hookups.
The researchers posited that dating seems more emotionally risky than hookups, i.e., a broken heart can cut to be very painful, while a drunken sexual encounter can be waived off as a stupid mistake. And most hookups occur when alcohol is involved.
The study was small, but it resonates with the stories my undergraduate students have shared with me. When out partying, both males and females have taken risks they might not take when sober. Condom use isn’t a sure thing when someone is horny and drunk.
Perhaps this study is a good reminder that adolescence lasts until age 24, which means that most college students don’t have the mental maturity to unpack the risks of acting on the basis of peer pressure rather than one’s personal preference.
Boys to Men: A Workshop for Adolescent Boys and Dads/Mentors
May 10, 2010
Boys to Men: A Workshop for Adolescent Boys and Dads/Mentors
Tuesday, June 15, 2010, 7:39-9:30 p.m.
Bedminster Medical Plaza conference room, 1 Robertson Dr., Bedminster, NJ
Facilitated by Melanie Davis, EdD, CSE
Boys ages 10-14 are going through many physical, emotional and social changes. This workshop will prepare them for puberty; help them make healthy decisions aligned with their personal values; and foster communication between sons and dads/mentors. Tuition is $20 per person. Boys must be accompanied by a male parent or mentor. Pre-registration is required. Call 908-722-1632 to register or email Dr. Melanie. This is a New Jersey Center for Sexual Wellness program.
About the Speaker: Dr. Davis is a sexuality education consultant, certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. She has a doctorate in Human Sexuality Education and teaches courses/workshops for people across the lifespan. She has taught junior high sexuality education course since 1999 and also teaches undergraduate students. She owns Honest Exchange LLC and co-founded the New Jersey Center for Sexual Wellness.
A Humorous Look at Cohabitation
May 7, 2010
Here’s a little lesson I just came across that is very appropriate for Buzz readers with older children.
Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian’s mother couldn’t help but notice how beautiful Brian’s roommate, Sara was. Brian’s Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Sara, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Sara than met the eye. Reading his mom’s thoughts, Brian volunteered, “‘I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Sara and I are just roommates.”
About a week later, Sara came to Brian saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?” Brian said, “I doubt it, but I’ll send her an e-mail just to be sure.”
So he sat down and wrote, “Dear Mom: I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the gravy ladle from the house; I’m not saying that you ‘did not’ take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Brian”
Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read: “Dear Son: I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Sara, I’m not saying that you ‘do not’ sleep with Sara. But the fact remains that if Sara was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.”
Love, Mom
Sexuality Talking Points Video Clips
May 4, 2010
The “Talking Points” videos on this website are up and running again! I apologize for the technical glitch that caused them to be offline for a brief period. Please watch and enjoy!