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What Glee Teaches Parents about Teens and Sex
November 12, 2011
The teen coming of age TV show Glee, featured an extremely good portrayal of healthy teen sexual decision making. In Season 3, Episode 5, two loving, committed teen couples (one straight, one gay) discuss whether and when to have sex for the first time.
I usually avoid watching depictions of teen “first times” because they frustrate me as a sexuality educator. Typically, there is no discussion of contraception, the decision is usually made on the spur of the moment or under the influence of alcohol, or there is an element of coercion wherein one partner isn’t ready to have sex but is pressured to into it. I was pleasantly surprised by the Glee episode, which touched on many issues usually ignored in teen shows. I recommend that parents watch the episode with their teens or, if you’re not comfortable with the sexual content, watch it separately and then discuss some of the issues it brings to mind.
For another perspective on the show, please read this well-written column written by Meredith Melnick for Time Healthland online. To read it, click here.
Fear, Loathing and Sexuality Education
October 20, 2011
The fear mongerers are at it again, claiming that sexuality educators are out to rob children of their naivete and innocence. An Op-Ed piece in the New York Times, reprinted here, on a website affiliated with the writers, makes wild accusations and misstatements about what educators to and what comprehensive sexuality education is. It is important to everyone to realize that the underlying fear among those who mistrust sexuality education boils down to three letters: s.e.x. They don’t want teens having sex, they don’t want college students having sex, and they don’t want 30 year-olds having sex…at least if they aren’t married.
Read a wise and rational response to the Op-Ed piece from nationally respected sexuality educator, Elizabeth Schroeder, EdD. Share it widely, please. If the anti-sex ed faction gets its way, what’ll we have? Just take a look at Texas to find out. Martha Kempner, MA examined the realities of abstinence-only until marriage programs and found that sexual health statistics in the land of presidential candidate Rick Perry are worse than dismal. Read her article here.
As a sexuality educator, I can attest to teens’ and young adults’ thirst for information that will keep them emotionally and physically happy and healthy. They want to know how to be in relationships that don’t hurt. They want to know how to treat themselves and others with respect. They want to know how their own and others’ bodies function and respond. They want to know how to avoid becoming parents by chance rather than choice.
When young people are left to their own devices, they often seek answers from porn, and they mistake fantasy for reality. Or, they make up answers they can’t find elsewhere. A college student tried to convince me that drinking Mountain Dew soda would prevent pregnancy, a myth I thought had died long ago. A middle aged adult woman asked me , “Do both men and women ejaculate from their anus?” This is the result of poor or no sexuality education, and more people will be in the same state of ignorance if we eliminate or fail to expand comprehensive programs.
If you haven’t told your school board, religious organization, and politicians that sexuality education is important to you, do so today. And on the second Tuesday in November, vote your values.
So You Want to Be a Sexuality Educator?
August 3, 2011
What do I and other sexuality educators do for a living? It’s a common question, and you can find the some answers in this short cartoon I created. You can watch it here. What’s a sexuality subject you’d like to learn about? Drop me a note and maybe I’ll make a video on your topic!
Not She/He: How to Speak to a Transgender Person with Respect
July 18, 2011
Last week, my heart lurched when I read something written by a sexuality educator who referred to a transgender student as “she/he.” How can we expect the public to use respectful language if we sexuality educators aren’t getting it right?
The educator knew that the person in question was assigned the female sex at birth due to having a female body. However, the educator also knew that the student is now living as a male, concurrent with his gender identity. Unless told otherwise by the student, the educator should have used masculine pronouns out of respect for the student’s stated gender.
Using “she/he” or “he/she” is offensive to the student because it ignores his right to identify himself as he sees fit. It also dehumanizes a person, since the terms are often used like this: “He/she/it…whatever…” The educator’s offensive language indicates either her own confusion or her desire to imply that the student was confused about his gender identity. The former is far more likely than the latter. A transgender person owes no one an explanation of a very personal experience of gender; however, the fact that this student disclosed his gender identity illustrates how firm he is in his understanding of himself. It takes bravery to challenge other people’s assumptions — especially without knowing how they will respond. A sudden awareness of another person’s incongruent gender expression and identity cause some people such confusion that they become angry or violent.
Yesterday, I delivered a presentation on life changes in adulthood. Afterwards, a woman asked me whether I would share resources with her “friend’s son, who is going through the transition from man to woman.” She offered a few details and admitted that she didn’t know which nouns and pronouns to use. I respect that fact that she wanted to learn more in order to support her friend and her friend’s daughter. I used the term “daughter” to illustrate to her that it’s not just pronouns that make a difference — we need to be mindful of all of the gendered language that we use.
For a few more tips about how to speak respectfully to and with a transgender person, please read this webpage I learned about this morning. I wouldn’t normally link to a wiki page, but this information is short and practical. Here’s the link.
Website Offers Education on Asexuality
May 31, 2011
One in one hundred adults have no interest in sex, and they don’t consider a problem. In fact, it’s how their brains are wired in terms of sexual orientation. The following quote is from the online resource center of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network.
“An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are. Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people. There is considerable diversity among the asexual community; each asexual person experiences things like relationships, attraction, and arousal somewhat differently. Asexuality is just beginning to be the subject of scientific research.”
Asexuality is different from being celibate or abstinent by choice. It also differs from lack of sexual desire, which is an emotional state experienced by some people due to medications, health issues or psychological issues like relationship problems, low self-esteem, poor body image, fear, prior poor experiences, etc. People who identify as asexual may have romantic attractions, and they may have sex to express emotional closeness; however, they typically do not have a hunger to engage in sexual activity.
Asexuality is another way of living in the sexual sphere of human sexual experience. Some of us are attracted to people of the same sex, another sex, more than one sex, or to none of those groups. The AVEN website is rich with information for people who identify as asexual and for their families and friends. If you’d like to learn more about asexuality, visit the Asexual Visibility and Education Network here.