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Big Brother Teaches Dad a Lesson about Acceptance
January 12, 2012
Imagine this scenario: Two brothers enter a store so the younger boy can select a gift from his older brother. The younger boy, a gentle soul, wants a purple video game controller and a game featuring a female main character. The older brother helps him find what he’s looking for. Dad stomps in, complaining about the selection, which isn’t macho enough — which doesn’t have enough guns, violence and mayhem. Then the older brother does something that is tremendously loving — something his little brother won’t find often enough as he matures and follows his gentle nature. Something his little brother will remenber all of his life.
To read the whole story, click here.
App Locates Gender-Neutral Bathrooms in Ithaca, NY
January 11, 2012
If you need a single stall or gender-neutral bathroom in Ithaca, NY, help is as close as your iPhone, thanks to the Pee in Peace app created by Planned Parenthood of the Southern Finger Lakes’ LGBT Health and Wellness Project, “Out for Health.”
The app helps anyone who may not feel comfortable in male/female restrooms with little privacy.
Transgender people (and anyone who does not readily fit into expected and conventional norms of gender presentation)
Caregivers for people of a different sex
Features:
Interactive map of nearby single stall and gender neutral restrooms.
GPS ‘near me’ search for the closest bathroom.
Quick access to walking or driving directions to get you there fast!
List includes when restroom are open and key features, including if the
restroom is accessible.
Notes section provides special directions for restrooms at local college campus
locations.
For more information visit http://www.peeinpeace.org
Are You Teaching Your Kids to Bully?
December 5, 2011
If you aren’t actively talking with your children about accepting themselves and others, and if you aren’t instilling the message that they should have compassion for themselves and people who differ from them, then you may be implying that it’s OK to bully. Watch this video with your kids. They may see themselves, you may see them in a new light, or you both may see how important it is to protect people from harm.
Sex Ed and Deaf Kids
December 3, 2011
I became a sex educator between 9th and 10th grade, when I my summer job was to accompany a deaf girl around to her summer school classes. I took sign language lessons by videotape every morning and learned enough signs to supplement what she could understand by lip reading. There were about 5 student pairs like ours in a program designed to integrate deaf kids into classes filled with kids with normal hearing.
One weekend, the entire summer school class took a weekend field trip, and my partner and I had a lot of time on the bus and during a museum sleepover to talk about non-school stuff. Our talk turned to boys, dating, and eventually, to sex. I was dumbfounded by her lack of knowledge until I remembered one of my mother’s comments that deaf people miss out on much of the day-to-day learning that occurs through background noise, innuendo, jokes, etc. My partner said that she had been told that sex involved males and females, but she wasn’t sure about the particulars. Knowing that she had a crush on a boy in the summer school, I took it upon my 14-year-old self to explain sexual intercourse to her, including the risks of unintended pregnancy. Her signs and facial expressions let me know she was amazed by this new information.
Think about the first dirty joke you heard and how it opened your eyes to a world of sexual possibilities. Consider the sexual innuendo passed poolside or at the Shore, when comments were made about people dressed in next to nothing. Now, imagine how much your child may be missing by not hearing the jokes and being able to participate in the discourse.
Parents of children with disabilities related to physical functioning, intellectual development or emotional development often incorrectly assume their children are naive and asexual or too preoccupied with other issues to develop crushes or have sexual feelings. It is essential to realize that all children are sexual beings, with interests, concerns, urges and needs. They have a right to know what’s going on with their changing bodies during puberty, and they have a right to learn how to be sexually expressive without compromising their sexual health. In addition, they need to know that as individuals with special needs, they are at greater risk for being taken advantage of and for being sexually abused. Withholding information from them is not kind; indeed, it is cruel.
If you’d like to learn how to implement deaf-friendly sexuality education in your school or organization in Pennsylvania, click here. The information can be useful to parents and educators in other regions, too. Click here for a list of video and other resources compiled by a deaf editor for About.com. The American School Health Association offers this bill of rights related to sexuality education for special needs students.
All children deserve to know what’s up sexually. Including your children.
Is Porn Teaching Your Child about Sex? Odds are, yes.
November 19, 2011
It’s sad but true that a significant number of kids, by sixth grade, have viewed some type of porn. Sixth grade. So if you haven’t yet talked with your child about what loving, safer, mutually pleasurable, consensual sex is, consider starting that conversation now.Here’s an excellent column that argues that if parents don’t teach their kids about sex, porn will.
Think about what you want your kids to learn about sex. Your list might look something like this:
- Sex should be consensual, i.e., partners should both want the same things without feeling pressured.
- Making out, rubbing bodies against each other, fondling breasts and genitals, massage — there are great, low/no-risk ways to be physically intimate without intercourse.
- If you can’t talk openly to a potential sex partner about wants or boundaries, and if you can’t see each other without embarrassment, you’re probably not ready to engage in penetrative sex of any type.
- Sexual intercourse (oral, vaginal, or anal) is a higher-risk behavior best postponed until…. <add your value here. I’d say age 16 or greater, but you may disagree>
- “Doing it,” “having sex,” and “hooking up” are too vague to agree to. Partners must talk about what they want, expect, and don’t want to do in language that is direct. This helps ensure consent.
- Oral sex is sex. It can have the same emotional and health consequences as “real sex,” which most people consider to be vaginal or anal penetration.
- Anal sex is always higher risk, for males and females. It should only be practiced with caution, care, consent, condoms and lubricant.
- It’s not enough to be tested for STIs once in a while. You should be tested at least every 6 months, and more often, if you have multiple partners.
- When caring, mutually consenting partners engage in sex, it can be a lovely, life affirming activity. Sex can also be fun, lighthearted, and silly — if you take steps to protect against STIs and unintentional pregnancy.
Once you have your list, find opportunities to communicate them without lecturing. Maybe a story about a “leaked” celebrity sex tape will inspire a chat about privacy expectations in a sexual relationship. Or a visit to the doctor can inspire a comment about getting tested for STIs once someone is sexually active.
There are some useful things teens can learn from porn, and they aren’t what you might expect. View this short video by research psychoanalyist Paul Joanniddes, author of Guide to Getting it On. It’s called 5 Things to Learn about Lovemaking from Porn. After you watch it, consider sharing it with your teens.
Schools with comprehensive sexuality education (CSE) programs go a long way toward helping parents get sex-positive messages across. What does CSE look like, when practiced well? Here’s a great NYTimes profile of the work of my friend and fellow sex educator, Al Vernacchio.