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Boys to Men: A Workshop for Adolescent Boys and Dads/Mentors
May 10, 2010
Boys to Men: A Workshop for Adolescent Boys and Dads/Mentors
Tuesday, June 15, 2010, 7:39-9:30 p.m.
Bedminster Medical Plaza conference room, 1 Robertson Dr., Bedminster, NJ
Facilitated by Melanie Davis, EdD, CSE
Boys ages 10-14 are going through many physical, emotional and social changes. This workshop will prepare them for puberty; help them make healthy decisions aligned with their personal values; and foster communication between sons and dads/mentors. Tuition is $20 per person. Boys must be accompanied by a male parent or mentor. Pre-registration is required. Call 908-722-1632 to register or email Dr. Melanie. This is a New Jersey Center for Sexual Wellness program.
About the Speaker: Dr. Davis is a sexuality education consultant, certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. She has a doctorate in Human Sexuality Education and teaches courses/workshops for people across the lifespan. She has taught junior high sexuality education course since 1999 and also teaches undergraduate students. She owns Honest Exchange LLC and co-founded the New Jersey Center for Sexual Wellness.
Erectile Problems and Heart Disease
May 4, 2010
If you’re a male experiencing some degree of erectile dysfunction, i.e., your erections are less firm, less long-lasting, or non-existent, you may be at higher risk for cardiovascular disease. Lower testosterone levels are another warning sign that your doctor can monitor.
Men who are worried about changes in their erections may be too embarrassed to discuss their concerns with their doctors. There’s no reason for embarrassment — no matter what you have to say, your doctor will have heard it before. So make the appointment and speak up. Erectile changes are often due to the natural effects of stress, fatigue, or aging; however, you can’t know for sure unless your doctor checks you out and says nothing more serious is going on.
For more about the erection-cardiovascular-testosterone connection, read the full story.
Sexuality Talking Points Video Clips
May 4, 2010
The “Talking Points” videos on this website are up and running again! I apologize for the technical glitch that caused them to be offline for a brief period. Please watch and enjoy!
Straight Women & Unprotected Anal Sex
April 29, 2010
A study conducted by the NY Health Department found that straight (heterosexual) women are less likely than men to protect themselves with condoms while having unprotected anal sex. Only 23% of women use condoms during anal sex, while 61% of men use them. And only 11% of women at highest risk said their healthcare providers recommended testing for HIV and other STIs that might be contracted through anal sex..
The delicate nature of anal membranes makes them subject to fissures and micro tears during sex, which can speed the spread of infection and bacteria. Past studies suggest that anal exposure to HIV poses 30 times more risk than vaginal exposure. The full report is available at nyc.gov/health.
Condoms should be used with anal sex, just as they should be used in vaginal and oral sex between partners who are not monogamous and infection/virus-free. HIV and STI testing is equally important, but among women who engage in unprotected anal sex, testing rates are lower. That means they won’t necessarily be treated in the earliest stages of infection, and they may pass HIV and other viruses along to their partners.
Young adult women, 18 to 24 years old, are nearly six times more likely to have unprotected anal sex than women aged 45 to 64. Women with more partners had more anal sex in the past year, compared to 4% of women with one partner. Ethnicity is not a significant factor among the behavior or non-use of condoms.
Condoms aren’t fail-proof, but they are the best defense available against HIV and other infections. To increase protection, use lots of thick personal lubricant to decrease the risk of tearing.
Dance Floor Etiquette
April 23, 2010
In honor of wedding season, I’m re-posting an entry on ballroom etiquette. It’s great advice for anyone interested in a genteel approach on the dance floor.
Dance cards and white gloves may be gone, but the etiquette of social dance is still in style. Gracious behavior can make prom night even more memorable.
Dance floor manners follow codes of behavior established long ago in Europe, says Peter Vaco, director of Indigo Ballroom, in Somerville. A native of Slovakia, Vaco has danced competitively and professionally in Europe and the United States for more than 20 years.
“Lately, there has been a lack of manners at dances because young people think the rules are repressive. In reality, the rules are elegant and teach young men and women how to behave in a relationship,” says Vaco.
Dance etiquette can help in other situations also, he says. The straight posture required for ballroom dance lends an air of confidence, and good manners can impress everyone from peers to potential employers.
“In dance clubs, people have a hard time approaching each other because they don’t know the rules. Ballroom dance rules teach people how to remove the barriers, which is good because dancing brings people together,” says Vaco. The basic principle of dance etiquette is respect. Vaco describes dancing as a game between the man, who invites the woman to dance and is the leader on the floor, and the woman, who follows his lead. Creative partners of the same or different genders can play with which partner takes the lead.
“That sounds funny to feminists, but it’s a healthy way to create respect and a 50-50 relationship. No one goes for a free ride when they dance as equal partners,” says Vaco.
Every high school has its own prom customs, but good manners will impress people in any environment. Vaco gives the following advice for male and female dancers, which also apply to couples of same gender. The rules apply to proms, clubs, weddings and other social occasions.
“To start, the man should always seat the woman so she can enjoy the view of the whole room. When the man sits with his back to the room, he’s saying that he is only interested in looking at his date, not at the other women in the room,” says Vaco.
To ask a woman to dance, the man should approach her and ask, “May I dance with you?” while extending his hand. The woman should accept by putting her hand in her partner’s and walk with him onto the dance floor. Neither partner should walk in front unless the couple must pass through a door or go upstairs to reach the dance floor.
“If they go through a door, the man should go first so he can open the door. On stairs, man goes first so can give her a helping hand and avoid looking up her skirt,” says Vaco. When the song ends, the man may bow slightly in front of the woman to show respect, and she should nod her head to him, Vaco says.
“The man should then take the woman’s arm and lead her back to her chair, which puts closure on the dance. A nice touch is for the man to pull out the woman’s chair so she can sit down at her table,” he says. Some couples prefer to dance only with their date, while others happily dance with other partners, including those who have attended the event solo.
“In dance society, you don’t have to be someone’s boyfriend to dance with her. You can dance several dances together and then say, ‘Thank you very much for dancing with me’ before returning her to her table,” says Vaco. It may once have been permissible for a man to cut in and replace a man on the dance floor, but Vaco says that’s a good way to start a conflict on the floor today. He suggests waiting until a song ends to request a dance with someone else’s partner.
“When the song ends, you can say to the guy, ‘Do you mind if I dance with your date?’ and he should be flattered,” says Vaco. When dancing, women should leave their evening bags on a chair or bring a very small purse they can easily hold on the dance floor. At some proms, tradition allows women to kick off their high heels and dance in socks, but Vaco suggests a more tasteful alternative: comfortable shoes.
“In a ballroom that’s very fancy, you don’t take your shoes off no matter how free you feel about yourself. For a proper ballroom dance, you wear shoes designed for dancing,” he says. The best dance shoes have suede soles that glide easily on the floor without slipping. Shoe repair shops can add suede soles to regular shoes for roughly $20.