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Patching Conversational Gaps
July 5, 2010
My sisters and I learned about sexual anatomy at the dinner table, with our dad drawing rough sketches on a dinner napkin. As you might guess, our conversations were wide-ranging and more open about sexuality than many family’s table talk. Even so, there were some things that didn’t get mentioned, probably because no parents can predict every question or concern their kids might have.
- What sexuality questions do you wish your parents had answered, even if you never felt comfortable asking?
- What topics unrelated to sexuality would have have liked to discuss openly?
- If you are a parent or can imagine yourself being one, what issues would you like to discuss with your child(ren)?
- What gets in the way of asking questions or bringing up topics for discussion?
Please post your answers in the comments section or email me directly. Thanks!
What Size Condom Should You Buy?
June 23, 2010
Condoms can enhance sexual enjoyment or limit it — depending on the size and shape of condom you select. Dr. Paul Joannides, author of “Guide to Getting It On,” has posted a terrific video that explains the whys and wherefores of new condom shapes and sizes. Watch it here.
P.S. Note the great gizmo he invented to demonstrate condom shapes!
Happy Sexy Father’s Day!
June 20, 2010
Hey, Dads — While you relax on Father’s Day, consider some things you can do for your sex life and sexual health:
- Get a physical exam. Talk to your doc about sex — is everything functioning properly? Are you having sex as often as you’d like? If not, why not? Is it time for testing for sexually transmitted infection?
- Get a prostate test — If you’re African American, talk to your doc about prostate testing at age 45. Men of other races can wait ’til age 50 unless they are in a high-risk group for other reasons. Prostate cancer is typically a slow-moving cancer with several treatment options. If cancer is diagnosed and sexual function is important to you, insist that your docs and specialists take your concerns seriously and give you honest answers about the results you can anticipate.
- Consider your sexual relationship status — Are you happily solo by choice? Are you happily partnered? What would you like to change, and how can that happen? You can’t answer all the questions today, but you can get the ball rolling.
- Try something new — New come-on line, new way to tease & tingle yourself or your partner…switch things up a bit and find something new to explore and enjoy.
- Change your condom — Trojan offers online condom coupons to inspire you to try their new products.
- Buy yourself a gift — Sex toys aren’t just for women! Check out your options for men’s toys here.
- Educate yourself – I offer sex ed for men via private sex ed consults in person (central NJ) and by phone. You can ask a single question or schedule an hour-long visit that’ll give you time to address one issue in depth or get answers to a number of questions you may have. If you need sex therapy, I’ll be happy to make a referral.
It’s your special day — celebrate your sexy self!
Spray to Play? Quick fix for Pre-Ejaculation
June 3, 2010
A new topical spray appears to help men with pre-ejaculation problems last longer. But don’t get too excited. Sex ed or therapy is still probably your best bet for satisfying sex.
The as-yet-unnamed spray, described here, is applied to the glans, or head, of the penis. According to clinical trial results, men who ordinarily cum in 1 minute can last up to 3 minutes after using the spray. Three minutes may not seem like much time for couples used to lingering, but to put this into perspective, the average couple in which at least one partner has a penis has sexual intercourse for 12 minutes. So lasting 3 minutes isn’t a bad goal for someone used to being done nearly before he starts.
The spray causes a “burning sensation” in 5% of female partners in the clinical trials, but the researchers weren’t concerned about that (thanks again for discounting women’s concerns…).
If you’re an early cummer and want to try the spray, go for it. And put a condom on after using the spray to protect your partner from that potential burning, too. But consider that premature ejaculation is usually a psychological, not mechanical problem. Numbing your penis won’t address the root of why you cum so quickly in the first place.
As a sexuality educator, I can offer individuals or couples advice on how to focus is on mutual pleasure rather than penetration so that no matter how long intercourse lasts, both partners enjoy their encounter. However, sex therapy or counseling is indicated if the problem is caused by emotional or relationship issues.
Spray away PE? Consider it a temporary fix. Then seek out education or therapy to resolve the issue for the long haul.
What Don’t Women Want?
June 1, 2010
Interesting post in Men’s Health about what women generally don’t want during a sexual encounter. Sure, every woman is different, but the author has hit on some universal truths abut what’s not a turn-on. Read it here.