Back to School, Back to Sex

August 25, 2009

Upon starting ninth grade, a teen told her mom, “The minute you walk into high school, all people talk about is sex — who’s having it, what they’re doing, and who they’re doing it with.”

Sex talk in school usually starts before high school, though. A kindergarten teacher said one of her male students claimed, “I know how people do sex,” before he proceeded to thrust his hips backward and forward. Many years ago, my daughter was concerned when fellow sixth-grade girls complained about their “unbelievably painful period cramps.” And it continues…A college freshman once told me, “Now I get the statistics on STIs (sexually transmitted infections) — I see people in my dorm sleeping with one person one night and another the next.”

The start of the semester is a good time to think about how you may have prepared your child, no matter what age, for the sex talk that he or she will hear on the bus, the playground, the lunchroom, the halls, the locker rooms, and the dorm rooms.

Think about the messages you want your child to hear about self-respect and respect for others, about what love and caring are, about what sex is, and about how love and care can be expressed without sexual activity.

As your child matures, provide developmentally-appropriate information about sexual health care (from washing folds and creases to managing menstruation and unexpected erections to using contraceptives to protect against STIs and pregnancy.)

If you think your teen or college-age child is, or is considering becoming, sexually active, don’t hesitate to share your thoughts about the pros and cons. Try not to lecture, and listen non-judgmentally to your child’s opinions, even if you disagree. You can only protect your child’s health if you keep the lines of communication open.

What’s your question or concern about children, teens and sexuality? Drop me a line or make a comment, and I’ll address it. You may also find answers in my book, Sexuality Talking Points, or purchase a private phone or in-person consultation. See the Product page to order.

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