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An Intimacy Menu for the New Year
December 29, 2009
Has your relationship left you hungering for more? Has white bread sex left you hankering for more excitement? Has a steady diet of fast, raw sex left you longing for soft, slow kisses? Consider re-writing your Intimacy Menu to kick off the new year.
It’s not unusual for people to rely on a sexual script with the same “let’s do it” signals, foreplay sequence, and sexual positions time after time. After all, why fix what’s not broken? But being able to orgasm doesn’t mean much if you’re bored or left wanting.
Dining Alone
Intimacy, like charity, begins at home. Even when you’re alone, you deserve to feel cared for, loved, and free to express and address your sexual needs. In the shower or bath, soap up and enjoy a sensuous tour of your body. Intrigued? Dry off, pick up a mirror, and look closely at your body. Talk to yourself as you explore, using loving, positive words to describe your curves, planes, folds and crevices. Touch yourself to see what feels good…and feels better.
If you’ve never experienced an orgasm, give yourself permission to take pleasure in your own body. If you’re not ready to touch your genitals, caress your face, chest, and other areas that need loving. When you’re ready, continue to teach yourself where else your body longs for attention. For more information about orgasm, see my Taking the Mystery Out of Female Orgasm brochure.
Dining a Deux
Intimacy with a partner can range from the sharing of bodies to the sharing of deep feelings, needs, fears, desires and fantasies. Nothing’s wrong with enjoying the same type of intimate behaviors time and again, but a little adventure might allow you to deepen the level of intimacy and delight you take in a partner. That’s where an Intimacy Menu comes into play.
Invite your partner to join you in writing down your Intimacy Menu. What are your current “appetizers”? How do you indicate interest in getting it on? What are your typical moves or words of invitation? Who usually initiates? Move the discussion to other courses, i.e., the “salad/soup” course of foreplay, the “main entree” of whatever behavior culminates in orgasm, and the “dessert” afterward, i.e., cuddling, showering, sleeping, etc.
Once your current Intimacy Menu is written, consider whether and how you might want to update it. The menu might be too heavy on assumptions (e.g., a massage will automatically lead to intercourse). It may to too light on courtesy, romance, or sex appeal. The current menu may focus too much on the main entree, i.e., on orgasm rather than overall pleasure. The menu may not leave room for dessert, i.e., one may be too self-absorbed to address the other person’s desire for post-sex touch, talk, or mutual clean-up.
Restaurants often re-think menus on a seasonal basis, and that might be a good goal for couples, too. But start small. Try an Intimacy Menu check on New Year’s. Who knows how great 2010 might turn out to be?
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