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Teaching Teens about Condom Size
June 23, 2010
Kudos to you, if you’ve talked to your teens (of any gender) about using condoms during oral, vaginal, or anal intercourse. I’d like to encourage you to take another step that may be more awkward but is just as important: Talk about condom sizes and shapes.
Condoms can enhance sexual enjoyment or limit it, and getting the right fit can affect whether people will use condoms consistently. Penises come in many sizes, and condoms that are too short or too long can, respectively, slip off or create an uncomfortably tight roll at the base of the penis. Pleasure is another factor, as some new condom shapes allow more movement within the condom, which increases a natural feel — especially when a small amount of lubricant is dripped into the condom prior to it being placed on the erect penis. Some partners enjoy different sensations from textured condoms.
Dr. Paul Joannides, author of “The Guide to Getting It On,” has posted a terrific video that explains the whys and wherefores of new condom shapes and sizes. Watch it here. Then, email the link to your young adult and encourage viewing. Think your email heads into the spam file automatically? Try this subject line: Condoms Can Feel Good — Use them.
I recently spoke to a parent who encouraged his 13-year-old to keep condoms in his backpack at all times — even though he wasn’t yet sexually active. The dad’s rationale? It takes a long time to build up a habit, and he wants his son to be comfortable carrying condoms by the time he needs them. He also bought condoms in bulk and, when his son asked to practice with them, encouraged his son to use them during masturbation. This is a clever idea because it will link sexual pleasure to a potentially life-saving practice of consistent condom use.
What Size Condom Should You Buy?
June 23, 2010
Condoms can enhance sexual enjoyment or limit it — depending on the size and shape of condom you select. Dr. Paul Joannides, author of “Guide to Getting It On,” has posted a terrific video that explains the whys and wherefores of new condom shapes and sizes. Watch it here.
P.S. Note the great gizmo he invented to demonstrate condom shapes!
Happy Sexy Father’s Day!
June 20, 2010
Hey, Dads — While you relax on Father’s Day, consider some things you can do for your sex life and sexual health:
- Get a physical exam. Talk to your doc about sex — is everything functioning properly? Are you having sex as often as you’d like? If not, why not? Is it time for testing for sexually transmitted infection?
- Get a prostate test — If you’re African American, talk to your doc about prostate testing at age 45. Men of other races can wait ’til age 50 unless they are in a high-risk group for other reasons. Prostate cancer is typically a slow-moving cancer with several treatment options. If cancer is diagnosed and sexual function is important to you, insist that your docs and specialists take your concerns seriously and give you honest answers about the results you can anticipate.
- Consider your sexual relationship status — Are you happily solo by choice? Are you happily partnered? What would you like to change, and how can that happen? You can’t answer all the questions today, but you can get the ball rolling.
- Try something new — New come-on line, new way to tease & tingle yourself or your partner…switch things up a bit and find something new to explore and enjoy.
- Change your condom — Trojan offers online condom coupons to inspire you to try their new products.
- Buy yourself a gift — Sex toys aren’t just for women! Check out your options for men’s toys here.
- Educate yourself – I offer sex ed for men via private sex ed consults in person (central NJ) and by phone. You can ask a single question or schedule an hour-long visit that’ll give you time to address one issue in depth or get answers to a number of questions you may have. If you need sex therapy, I’ll be happy to make a referral.
It’s your special day — celebrate your sexy self!
Too Much Tech to Talk?
June 10, 2010
What’s the impact of parents who tune into technology? They tend to tune out of their kids’ lives. That doesn’t bode well for kids who need and deserve attention, and it certainly doesn’t help them put sexuality into perspective.
A recent study measured verbal interaction between parents and children when tech toys were off and measured again when computers, phones and hand-held devices were in use. Predictably, the use of technology decreases the attention parents pay to their kids. Read the story here.
Parents spoke significantly fewer words to children when their attention was divided. The author of the article noted the impact of electronic distraction on children’s verbal development and behavior, and I assume that it also impacts children’s basic understanding of their world. As a sex educator, I see other ramifications too. Let’s say a parent and child are in the grocery check-out lane, where tabloid headlines and graphic photos tout stars’ cellulite, cheating spouses, cosmetic surgery and drunken club hopping. A preoccupied parent is likely to shush a child or offer a candy bar in exchange for a few more seconds on the phone. An attentive parent can divert the child’s attention or comment on the unkind words and speculation. For example, if a child comments on a star’s weight, the parent can say, ”Weight is a really personal issue, and it’s a shame magazines can’t respect that person’s privacy.”
It’s common to see parents pushing children in strollers while engrossed in a cellphone conversation. The child gets the message that the caller is more important or interesting than the child. Self-esteem issues aside, the child is also missing out on learning about the world he or she is passing by. A squirrel will race by unnamed. A garden in flower will be chalked up as unworthy of attention. A couple sexually grappling on the lawn? Without an attentive parent to put the behavior into perspective, the child may be scared that someone is getting hurt. Or, the child may get the message that pubic sex is acceptable. That may or or may not reflect the parents’ view of public sexual displays, but the child won’t know unless a conversation takes place. An attentive parent might point the stroller in another direction and comment on the difference between public and private behaviors. Similar conversations can occur during TV shows when parents stop multi-tasking with their tech toys and put images and dialogue into the context of the family’s values.
One family in the NY Times article scheduled a nightly tech-free period during which the family members could reconnect, and the kids were really happy to have their parents undivided attention. How much time are you using technology when your kids are present? How might it be affecting interchanges between you and your child(ren)? Maybe it’s time to put your own toys away.
Spray to Play? Quick fix for Pre-Ejaculation
June 3, 2010
A new topical spray appears to help men with pre-ejaculation problems last longer. But don’t get too excited. Sex ed or therapy is still probably your best bet for satisfying sex.
The as-yet-unnamed spray, described here, is applied to the glans, or head, of the penis. According to clinical trial results, men who ordinarily cum in 1 minute can last up to 3 minutes after using the spray. Three minutes may not seem like much time for couples used to lingering, but to put this into perspective, the average couple in which at least one partner has a penis has sexual intercourse for 12 minutes. So lasting 3 minutes isn’t a bad goal for someone used to being done nearly before he starts.
The spray causes a “burning sensation” in 5% of female partners in the clinical trials, but the researchers weren’t concerned about that (thanks again for discounting women’s concerns…).
If you’re an early cummer and want to try the spray, go for it. And put a condom on after using the spray to protect your partner from that potential burning, too. But consider that premature ejaculation is usually a psychological, not mechanical problem. Numbing your penis won’t address the root of why you cum so quickly in the first place.
As a sexuality educator, I can offer individuals or couples advice on how to focus is on mutual pleasure rather than penetration so that no matter how long intercourse lasts, both partners enjoy their encounter. However, sex therapy or counseling is indicated if the problem is caused by emotional or relationship issues.
Spray away PE? Consider it a temporary fix. Then seek out education or therapy to resolve the issue for the long haul.