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Keep the Vibe Outta Your Sexy Ride
April 21, 2010
Vibrators can add all sorts of fun to sex play, but not while you drive. An unfortunate male in California was arrested on a drug charge while he had an anal vibrator in place. The remote control unit was in his pants pocket, causing quite a stir in the offices of the California Highway Patrol. The bomb squad was called in, and three hours later (?) it was determined that indeed, the object in question was a vibrator. Here’s the full story.
The article didn’t mention what kind of vibrator was in use, but here’s a safety tip: Only insert anal toys with a flange at the base that will prevent the toy from going all the way into the rectum and getting stuck. Sure a doc in the ER could remove it for you, but why take the risk? Also, maintain your own supply of toys that you clean fastidiously. Borrowing anal toys from another user can spread bacteria.
Not in Front of the Kids!
April 16, 2010
This columnist is right to be angry about bathroom stall sex at a ballpark. I know that lots of adults think it’s arousing to have sex in public where there’s a little risk of being caught. A hint of being naughty or downright dirty can add some spice to an otherwise old routine. But there’s a huge difference between getting it on in a public restroom or your office at work. For one thing, your desk is probably somewhat less disgusting than a public restroom floor. For another, you’re not likely to have kids walk in on you at work. I’m not saying you don’t risk getting fired if the boss walks in, but that’s a different story.
You may not care about strangers seeing you have sex, but if you keep your pants on in front of people who haven’t asked to watch or participate in your sex life, you protect yourself from indecency charges (or worse, sex offender charges) or potentially violent reactions. If you want an audience, there are plenty of clubs where you can be a star. You may even have friends who’d enjoy watching you get off . But they know what they’re getting in to. The dad whose kid needs to pee didn’t buy a ticket to see you make it to Home.
Parents: I hope you won’t run into this situation, but if you do, distract your child, exit as promptly as possible, and report the incident. If your child saw the couple having sex, explain that what the adults were doing in public should have stayed private. Then ask what your child thinks was going on, and take it from there.
A ballpark bathroom? Yerrrrrr out!
How are Kids Affected by Viewing Porn?
April 15, 2010
It can be scary for parent to think about their children viewing explicit sexual material online, and it’s a good thing to want to protect our children from seeing things they’re not developmentally ready for. However, we simply cannot control everything our children see.
The first time I taught a junior high sex education class, I asked the students’ parents what filters they were using on their computers and TVs at home. To a person, the parents swore their children had no access to explicit material. I then surveyed the students, nearly all of whom said they had seen adult-rated content on the internet and on cable TV at their friends’ homes. The good news was that our sex ed teaching team had a year’s worth of classes to help the students put what they had seen into context.
Sexologist Timaree Schmit just published a common sense post on the effects of porn viewing by kids. It’s worthwhile reading to help put things into perspective. You’ll still want to put the brakes on your kids’ access to cable and internet, but maybe you won’t panic as much if the kids work the loopholes.
Sex Ed Videos Past and Present
April 9, 2010
“Mom, I think I’ll take a bath. I just feel dirty.”
I vividly recall that line from the “girls” sex ed video I saw in sixth grade. It was the early 70′s, and the school nurse had chased out our male teacher and the boys, and she had pulled the heavy maroon drapes across the windows. We could hear the boys laughing outside, trying to peek in to see what the fuss was about.
My best friend and I giggled throughout the fuzzy black and white movie until the nurse stopped the film projector and asked why we were laughing. I said, “Because there’s no reason for the girl to feel dirty. She just has her period.” The nurse wasn’t happy with my answer. She said that if we didn’t stop being disruptive, we’d have to leave the room. That would have been OK with me, except I didn’t want to be stuck with the boys outside. So, I had to listen to more crummy messaging about how periods required girls to avoid strenuous activity — especially horseback riding, which could hasten cramps and cause sanitary pads to dislodge, or so the narrator said. We also learned that pool parties would be out, as would baths. After the girl stated the line above about wanting a shower, her mother said only showers were safe during “that time of the month.”
Click here to see clips from other sex ed films that used to be shown in schools. You also may be interested in the archives of SexSmartFilms, which also has some empowering new films about sexuality and disabled adults. And here’s a terrific animated video about how conception occurs, brought to you by Planned Parenthood Federation of America. The internet is a treasure trove of video resources for sexuality education. Just choose search terms carefully, and think twice before conducting your search on a workplace computer.
Talking about Sex When Kids Won’t Listen
April 8, 2010
While perusing parenting sites recently, I found a blog post called “Let’s (Not) Talk about Sex,” and to my surprise, it made some good points.
The author said that her 9-year-old son would break down in tears when the subject of sex came up. After he heard the word condom on TV and asked what it meant, the answer nearly put him over the edge. His parents were at their wits’ ends trying to figure out why the boy was so terrified of sex, given that to their knowledge, he had never seen, heard or otherwise been exposed to anything inappropriate. Their solution was to give their son a book, invite him read it in private, and offer to answer any questions he had. The blogger said that after reading the book, her son was much calmer and was even able to answer his little brother’s sex-related question.
I admire these parents for finding a solution that worked for their son. Not every child wants to talk about sex, and the best solution is to find out how to communicate important information in a way that suits the child. My oldest daughter asked questions from age 3 on, and she got so comfortable discussing sexual health topics that at age 23, she now teaches a junior high sex ed class in church with her father, me, and two other adults.
On the other end of the spectrum, her younger twin sisters were consistently embarrassed and uncomfortable in their early childhood and adolescence when anything related to sexuality came up in conversation. We didn’t push it except to cover the essentials in brief increments, and even then, we acknowledged their feelings, i.e., “Girls, we know you don’t like to talk about stuff like this, but…” We also put age-appropriate sex ed books on accessible book shelves. In time, they were able to talk more comfortably about sexuality; in fact, they recently taught lessons on sexual health for their high school peer leadership class.
By taking our children’s differing readiness and communication styles into account, we were able to raise three confident young women who have the information they need to form opinions and make decisions that will protect and enhance their emotional and physical health.
Resources for Parents
No book that can replace a parent when it when it comes to discussing sexual values or modeling healthy relationships. And no book can replace well-timed comments and questions when a child is watching TV or flipping through a consumer magazine. However, well-written and illustrated books can give great basic information about body parts, puberty, reproduction, hygiene, and, in some cases, relationship skills. You can find my lists of recommended books . Also on the site, you can access short videos of me discussing parent-child communication topics.
On my Resources page, you’ll find links to websites chock-full of information on everything from fatherhood to sexual healthcare to support groups for diverse adolescent and teen populations.
If you listen carefully, you’ll be able to discern the most effective way to communicate with your child about sexuality-related topics. You may make some false starts, and it may take a combination of talking, reading, and taking deep breaths before diving into a sensitive topic. Be patient with yourself and with your child. Together, you’ve got some wonderfully rewarding conversations ahead of you.