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Teen Girls and Sex = Shocking?
February 20, 2010
“TEENS REVEAL THE SHOCKING TRUTH TO THE DOCTORS ABOUT TEEN SEX” shouts the email promoting the Feb. 22, 2010 edition of The Doctors on CBS. Shocking? That teens have sex? What’s really shocking is that CBS didn’t simply shout, “WHY WON’T TEEN GIRLS JUST SAY NO?”
The email blast for the episode starts with a quote from cast member Dr. Lisa Masterson, who says, “We need to start talking to teens earlier, so when they are 15 and 16, they are not in my office with an STD that could take away their fertility for the rest of their lives.” Masterson is an Ob/Gyn, so clearly, when she talks about teens, she’s only talking about female patients. And this isn’t an episode about sexually active teen lesbians, so where is the concern about sexually active male teens? Oh, right. Boys will be boys.
Monday’s episode will include a chat with teens and their mothers. No males were mentioned in the promotional email, although an inquiry to the producers deteremd that young men will be participating. Still the promotion only sensationalized the females we’ll hear from:
- Jackie, 15, who has had oral sex with about 6 guys, but claims to be a virgin
- Brooke, 16, who is sexually active but doesn’t use condoms
- Jazzi, 16 , who lost her virginity at age13 and doesn’t know about the HPV virus
My assumption, given the tone of the promotional piece, is that these teens will be held up as examples of what not to do. They may not be branded with a big letter “P” on their foreheads for being promiscuous, but that’ll be the message. At some point, they and their mothers may cry, and after hearing the doctors lecture on the risks of unprotected sex and STIs, the teens will promise to behave differently. Problem solved.
Except it won’t be. Teens, both male and female, will continue to be sexually active, and they will continue to have unprotected sex much of the time. Having teens disclose their sexual histories on TV is is akin to putting them in stocks on the public square for the public to spit on and laugh at. What are the odds that any sexually active teen will watch the show and be eager to chat with mom or dad about safe sex?
And then there’s the age-old problem of blaming females for being so darn tantalizing. If only these young ladies would keep their skirts long and their legs closed, everything would be fine, right? If this weren’t the primary message, the teen males’ behavior would have been sensationalized in the promo, too.
Parents, it’s time to step up to the plate. Don’t let TV medical shows — or anyone else — shame your daughters for being sexually active. Talk to them calmly about their choices and how they can protect themselves emotionally and physically from now on. Teach your sons to respect young women, and teach that both partners must be responsible for contraception if they consent to be physically intimate.
Are teens generally healthier if they wait to have sex until they are mature and in a monogamous relationship? Yes, mainly because the odds are greater that they will have fewer lifetime partners and they will use contraceptives to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. It is important to share that information with your teens. But once teens have sex (about half of them will have sex by the end of high school), your message has to change. Make it easy for your teen to see a health care provider to be tested for STIs and to discuss contraceptive options. If you aren’t comfortable providing condoms for both sons and daughters to carry, then make sure they have the income to buy them on their own. And periodically, check in with your teen to see if he or she is enjoying safe, consenting relationships.
Let’s stop wasting time being shocked that teens have sex. Instead, let’s help them make choices about relationships and behavior that will help them grow into happy, healthy young adults.
Why Do We Care about Tiger’s Apology?
February 20, 2010
Guest Post by Bill Taverner, MA
Director of The Center for Family Life Education at Planned Parenthood of Greater Northern New Jersey
The news of the day appears to be critical evaluations of an apology given by golf star Tiger Woods for his sexual infidelity. Newspapers and blogs ask, “Is Tiger out of the rough?” as they reflect on his “bad outing,” musing that his wife “still holds the scorecard”. Who knew we could have such fun with golf metaphors? At least these are a bit better than the one I heard over the holidays: What does Tiger want for Christmas? (Ho, ho, ho!)
The bigger question is not how well did Tiger do with his apology, but what does it say about us as a society that we care so much? Why do we allow news about health care and wars – news that truly affects us all – to be pushed to page 12? Why are we so interested in reading about the apology grades given by a “panel of experts”? For that matter, how does one become an “expert” in apologies? Don’t we all have a bit of expertise after having invested so much time in the sordid details of the extramarital affairs of David Letterman, Governor Sanford, and [insert your own favorite celebrity here]. I was going to add more names myself, but there are just too many to list. I Googled the phrase “celebrity affairs,” and the first result was an article at www.foxnews.com titled “Celebrity Affairs to Remember,” documenting 13 pages with all the recent affair developments we’ll want to remember for posterity. There were even some entries I did not know! How did I miss Marilyn Manson’s affair? (“The blogosphere went wild,” according to Fox News.) Country music star Shania Twain’s ex-husband “rocked her world!” Oh the clever metaphors never cease! Then there was Britney Spears, Meg Ryan, Julia Roberts…are you all keeping score?
For some reason, we do care about the details and we want to evaluate the apologies when we hear them. Personally, I don’t know very much about Tiger Woods except that he seems to be an exceptional athlete and I find it very difficult to compete against him with my Wii console. I gave him an “F” for his apology, because this is what I really wanted to hear him say:
“To the members of the media and the listening and viewing public: As nearly everyone knows, I have engaged in extramarital affairs. I am not here today to apologize to you for that. There are some people that do deserve an apology, and a whole lot more than just an apology for that matter, but those individuals are not here today, and I will do my best to make amends privately. I am sorry that you are so interested in the personal details of my life. I realize that I have brought some of that on myself by trading on my positive reputation in return for corporate sponsorship. Perhaps that gives the illusion that I owe the public an apology when I have personal failures. But the truth is I was just selling sneakers, and you were buying them. That does not entitle you to an apology. My wife deserves an apology. So do my kids. So do the women with whom I had dishonest relationships. These are the only people that deserve an apology. I am grateful to have been given an athletic gift that has allowed me to excel in the game of golf. I am also grateful to my fans who praise my achievements. I hope the public will recognize that more than one-third of men and women have cheated in their marriages. I am not proud to be part of that statistic, but I do hope the public will come to realize that, as in your own families, this is a private matter for me and the people I have wronged.”
Now that apology would get an A on my scorecard!
The Hot, Heavy Truth about Aphrodisiacs
February 9, 2010
Will chocolate make someone lust for you? Will oysters give you a stronger, harder erection? Only if you believe they will. Learn more by reading an article in the Courier-News newspaper, which includes my input.
Should Schools Censor Dictionaries with Sexual Terms?
February 2, 2010
Can a dictionary harm children? That’s the question being asked by a review panel for Oak Meadows Elementary School in southern California. The panel will try to determine whether to prohibit the use of the Merriam-Webster dictionary by fourth and fifth grade students. The review is in response to an individual mother’s complaint that the dictionary’s definition of oral sex was too explicit.
I support parents’ right to evaluate school curricula and resources, and I applaud this mom’s efforts to protect children from information she found offensive. After all, I complained when my daughters’ elementary school teacher taught about Columbus’ discovery of America without acknowledging the established and vibrant cultures of this continent’s indigenous peoples. And when my girls reached high school, I complained that the pre-prom safety workshop for boys focused on preventing alcohol use, while the girls’ workshop taught self-defense techniques to help the girls fend off their dates’ sexual advances. I wanted both the boys and girls to learn about the importance of asking permission and respecting a date’s answer.
So we’re on the same page here, I’ll present the definition of oral sex published in the online version of the dictionary: “Oral stimulation of the genitals.” That’s it. Five words, as straightforward as can be. I expected something much more salacious, given the mom’s level of concern and the school’s reaction.
The incident reminded me of being in elementary school and being told by friends that the dictionary contained dirty words. I immediately pulled out the family copy and looked up the only dirty words I knew at the time — butt, breast, and poop. I’m 100% sure that kids today do it, too, because they are previous generations of children.
Language is constantly evolving, so dictionaries are updated regularly to add new terms. Yes, the current editions may include words some parents find offensive or inappropriate for children; however, these are words that kids hear on the playground, on TV shows, in movies, and in music and video games. Those games and songs, by the way, have some of the most anti-female and degrading language and imagery possible. The ability to look up those words in a dictionary enables children to learn what words mean without being judged by adults or teased by friends.
Parents don’t need to censor dictionaries to control their childrens’ vocabulary. Simply model the kind of language you find appropriate, and call attention when words are used that you find inappropriate. When you offer an explanation of why you want your child to avoid certain words, you have a great opportunity to share your values.
Schools shouldn’t jump every time a parent complains, either. Some of the best books for children have been offensive to one parent or another, and we need to rely on the reasoned and educated judgment of teachers and librarians to select developmentally appropriate resources for their young population.
Now that I’ve got that off my chest, I’ll suggest that if you can’t find the word you’re searching for in the dictionary on your bookshelf, visit UrbanDictionary.com. Your kids will find it soon enough.