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Teens, Parents and Brothels
January 10, 2010
As a California teen, I heard stories about fathers taking 18-year-old sons to the Bunny Ranch in Nevada to “become men.” Will mothers be taking their daughters to Nevada now that the Shady Lady Ranch brothel is adding male prostitutes? I hope not.
I always found it creepy that a parent would encourage a young male to lose his virginity, especially to an adult paid to participate. The rumor was that fathers wanted their sons’ first-time sex to be with a woman who knew what she was doing. Call me old fashioned, but I think there’s a lot to be said for stumbling around, learning what works and what doesn’t in your own time. Just because a prostitute can bring a person to orgasm (assuming that’s the goal), doesn’t mean the sex has meaning. After all, masturbation can accomplish that goal.
I have nothing against prostitution if the sex worker is doing the work by choice, gets paid fairly, and is protected physically and emotionally. My problem is with the idea of parents egging newly minted adults into having sex with prostitutes in the guise of making them “real” adults. Having sex for the first time doesn’t make someone an adult. Being mature about sex means making decisions in your own time, taking into account the risks and rewards to both you and your partner.
A Conservative Case for Same-Sex Marriage
January 10, 2010
Here’s an interesting Newsweek article presenting a politically conservative argument for same-sex marriage.
Don’t Toss Your Toys, Recycle Them!
January 3, 2010
If you’re bored of your sex toys or if they are broken and unusable, recycle them instead of tossing ‘em in the trash. You can make room for new toys and keep toys out of your local landfill, thanks to a company called Sex Toy Recycling. Thoroughly wash your toys, mail them to the company in a mailing pouch they provide, and you’ll get a $5 voucher towards the purchase of a new, re-manufactured, sterile toy.
If you’re not comfy with the idea of a recycled toy for your own use, you can always replace the toys you recycle by shopping at the Honest Exchange page of Fantasia Home Parties.
Sexual Anatomy: A New View
January 2, 2010
Adults are quick to criticize the speed in which young people advance from “Hello” to hooking up, but it’s an expected progression if those young people lack information about relationships, intimacy, and types of pleasure that come from non-intercourse behaviors.
An important part of helping teens make smarter sexual decisions is to help them understand how their bodies work. They also need to understand that their bodies are designed to have sexual urges and to respond to touch…and that there are risk-free and low-risk ways for them to respond to those urges (masturbation, cuddling, non-genital massage, mutual masturbation).
Sex educator Heather Corinna has written a terrific article for Scarleteen that can help you get the conversation started.
Resolved: To Have Better Sex in 2010
January 2, 2010
It’s easy make a resolution to have better sex in 2010, but what would that mean to you? What would you need to do differently this year from the last?
The ubiquitious Dr. Mehmet Oz recommends that people resolve to have sex at least once or twice weekly–the more the better–for health reasons. You can read his column here.
His recommendation is good because there are health benefits to having sex. It gives your heart and lungs a workout, gets blood moving in your capillaries, and releases hormones that help you bond with a partner, among other benefits. An orgasm can even relieve some types of pain for up to 24 hours. Few people say they have sex for their health, though, and simply having more sex won’t be healthy if the sex is unsatisfying or worse.
To have better sex in 2010, consider these questions:
- What do you consider “having sex”, and does your partner define it the same way? You may consider it sex no matter what the outcome, while your partner may consider it sex only if orgasm occurs.
- Are you and your partner equally interested in and satisfied with your sexual experiences? If not, the partner who is unsatisfied is unlikely to want more of the same in 2010.
- Can you and your partner speak honestly about your sex life and health status? Sex is usually better when you can speak freely about your needs, wants, curiosities, and concerns.
- Does your typical sexual experience leave you thinking, “That was great” or “Is that all there is?” If you chose the latter, what is missing?
- Are you easily distracted during sexual activity? If so, are you unable to focus on the pleasure of the moment because you’re concerned about privacy, body image, discomfort, or are you bored, angry or worried?
- After sex, are you worried about pregnancy or sexually transmitted infection? Taking steps to protect yourself and your partner first can help you enjoy regret-free sex.
- Does your sex life include a lot of rules about how, when, where, and what occurs, and if so, are you and your partner in happy agreement with the rules?
Having better sex in 2010 depends on a lot more than resolving to have more sex. Instead, resolve to understand specifically what better sex means to you and how you can make it happen.