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10 Fun Facts about Orgasm
May 26, 2009
There are lots of great reasons to have sex, not the least of which is that it can end in orgasm. If you’ve had an orgasm, you may think it feels pretty good, and if you haven’t, I can help you. In a minute.
Roach is the author of Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex, which is a fascinating book, both expertly researched and humorous. Roach explains the science behind all of the news published about sex — she even participates in some mock experiments to see how participants must feel while being studied.
Roach shares some of her findings online in a 17 minute video, “Mary Roach: 10 Things You Didn\’t Know About Orgasm\”
Back to your orgasm. On my Products page, you can find my nifty brochure about orgasm that is both easy to read yet medically accurate. I explain what orgasms are, why they’re good for you (in addition to feeling good), offer tips for experiencing orgasm, explain some of the challenges you may face, and provide additional resources. That’s a lot of bang, so to speak, for your buck! You can find the brochure here.
A Very Grown-up Coloring Book
May 22, 2009
My “Learning to Love Your V’s” workshop teaches the folklore, anatomy and physiology of the vulva, vestibule and vagina. At least two of these terms may be new to you:
- “vulva” is a collective noun that includes the female sexual anatomy outside the body, i.e., the labia minora and majora (big and little lips), the clitoris, and the areas surrounding both.
- “vestibule” is the floor of the interlabial area, where one can see the urethra at one end and the introitus (opening to the vagina) at the other.
- “vagina” is the interior canal through which menstrual blood flows, babies pass during delivery, and into which can be inserted fingers, fists, penises and toys.
When I was preparing my first “V’s” workshop, I bought an amazing coloring book by artist Tee Corinne called the C*** Coloring Book. (I used *** because I don’t want my blog blocked by filters) This coloring book features 41 black and white drawings of real vulvas in all shapes and sizes, some hairy and some waxed smooth, some looking demure and others looking proud and fierce. Yes, they do each have a unique look and attitude!
For my workshop, I tore pages out of the book and posted them around the room so we were surrounded by vulvas for 90 minutes. Then everyone got to take a page home.
I now stock these coloring books and am offering them to my Sex, Honestly readers. The drawings measure 8.5″ x 11,” and the book includes a poetic introduction about why Corinne uses such a culturally taboo word for the vulva.
The C*** Coloring book is not listed on my Products page, so you’ll need to order directly from me, not through Pay Pal. You must be 18 years or older to order this product.
Each book is $7.95 plus $3.00 shipping & handling. (New Jersey residents add state sales tax). Please mail a check for $10.95 ($11.51 in NJ) payable to Honest Exchange LLC with your shipping address to: Honest Exchange, PO Box 268, Somerville, NJ 08876.
Sex Ed at the Singer’s House
May 22, 2009
Today I’m pleased to welcome to this blog popular humorist Jen Singer, founder of mommasaid.net and author of “Stop Second Guessing Yourself–The Toddler Years” and “14 Hours ’til Bedtime.”
Melanie wants me to talk about sex.
Blush.
I’ve got to admit, the whole thing makes me feel uncomfortable. I usually let her do the “dirty talk” on my web site. I’m there for the funny. Also, the programming.
As a result, I have been avoiding the nice little Q & A she sent to me weeks ago. But she’s been kind enough to let me drop by her blog, so I figured I’d better attempt to answer her questions about – gasp – sex. Here goes:
Q: When did you start talking to your boys about sex, and what triggered that first conversation?
When my neighbor was pregnant with her fourth child, my older son, who was about six, asked me, “How is the baby going to come out?” So I explained vaginal births and C-sections. And then I waited and held my breath.
“How did it get in there?” he asked. I gave him the straight-forward mechanics of what a Mommy and a Daddy do, and he seemed to ponder it carefully. Then he said, “Oh,” and walked away.
I have since followed up with more information as my kids, now 12 and 10, got older and more mature. Better to find out from me than on the school bus.
Q: What differences have you noticed in the way that you and your husband address in-home sex education?
If he has approached it, I wouldn’t know about it. There are some things men need to keep among men.
Q. Have you overheard your boys talking about sexuality topics, and if so, is their information correct?
Only a mother of girls would ask that question. Boys don’t talk to their mothers about much of anything except for “When’s dinner” and “Where are my cleats?”
Q: How is the in-home sex ed you provide different or similar to what or how you learned about sex as a child?
My mom was great about ongoing talks, so that’s what I’m doing. There’s no one “The Talk” here, as there wasn’t when I was growing up.
My older son is about to have the health class sex ed video. I will follow up with him after he sees it. I also gave him a pamphlet about body changes and asked my husband to discuss it with him.
Q: What are the primary sexual values and/or lessons you and your husband are trying to share with your sons?
Among the many things we’re discussing here, I think it’s important to tell boys that they can say “no” to aggressive girls. That’s changed from when I was a teen.
Q: Are any sexuality topics off limits?
I hope I don’t have to find out. See above about blushing.
College Graduation: The End of Mom-Daughter Talks?
May 15, 2009
My oldest daughter graduates from college tomorrow with double majors, a minor, and accolades galore. Her father and I are extremely proud of her commitment, drive, and her high standard of excellence.
After the ceremony, we’ll host a congratulatory BBQ for family and friends, and the rest of our daughter’s life will begin. At home. In her old room, shared with one of her sisters. This wasn’t in the plans but then, when we made the plans years ago, we didn’t realize that she would be so busy during her senior year of college that not a moment was left to explore graduate schools. We suggested that she give herself a year to live at home, work, and choose a graduate program.
We will have two 17-year-old daughters and a 22-year-old daughter living under our roof, which begs the question of what the new rules will be. And what kinds of conversations are ahead of us.
We’ll keep a rule I learned from my parents, which was, “You don’t have the right to make us worry about you unnecessarily.” That translates to the rule that anyone who is going to be out later than expected, calls home to let someone know.
We also have rules prohibiting illegal activities, unapproved parties, and people in the house who haven’t been introduced to us (even with a simple, “Dad, this is my friend Pam. Pam, this is my dad.” And we have a policy against making others in the house uncomfortable; ergo, no couples make out passionately while watching TV with family members in the room. And we certainly don’t want to walk in on more involved sexual behavior, no matter whether it involves our oldest or younger daughters.
As for conversations, I hope college graduation isn’t the end of the mom-daughter talks I cherish so much. We’ve always conversed easily about even the most sensitive topics, while I had to use every trick in my bag ‘o tricks to get information into her sisters. Because of the ease with which she and I converse, we need to be mindful of maintaining boundaries. It was easy to maintain those boundaries when we were texting, phoning, or emailing during the college years; we will have to work harder at it when she lives at home again because there is a limit to what I want or need to know about her private life, just as she doesn’t want or need to know about mine.
The next year will be a challenge for all of us, but I look forward to it and will share with you what I learn along the way.
An Orgasm Coming of Age Story
May 13, 2009
What happens when a 26-year-old journalist makes a serious effort to research how to have her first orgasm? Mara Altman explains it all in her book, “Thanks for Coming: One Young Woman’s Quest for an Orgasm.” (Harper Perennial).
From sexologists (people who think about and research sexuality) to physicians, her parents and her grandparents, friends, sex partners and assorted orgasm gurus, Altman learns about the mechanics and magic of orgasms, and her willingness to explore every avenue is astounding. She masturbates while in an fMRI machine so scientists can measure her brain waves during sexual arousal, she buys a pulsating purple vibrator, she visits bodyworkers, and she has intimate visits with Eric, whose job consists of unemotionally but exceptionally anticipating and addressing women’s sexual needs.
The crux of Altman’s inability to orgasm is three-fold: she is disgusted by her genitals and refuses to look at or explore them; she assumes her sex partners are equally disgusted by her genitals and therefore limits partners’ access to them; and she expects orgasms to literally earth shattering and is, therefore, a bit overwhelmed by the idea of having one.
As a sexologist and sexuality educator, I know that while the specifics of Altman’s experience are unique to her, the broad strokes, if you will, are experienced by many women. No one tells girls that their labia (inner and outer lips) are supposed to be as unique as fingerprints, each beautiful in their own way. So, like Altman, many women who finally do look closely at their vulvas (all the external sexual anatomy) question why it looks different from the air-brushed vulvas in erotic media. Growing up, girls aren’t told how vaginas are supposed to smell or that the aroma can change during the menstrual cycle. It’s no wonder that many women assume partners will find their vulvas unappealing.
I won’t spoil the ending of the book for you; suffice it to say that Altman surprises herself with the results of her research. “Thanks for Coming” is must reading for women interested in orgasm as well as for their partners who may gain some technical tips.